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Tonight I am sitting here. Feeling so very restless! It’s been very hot and humid here in the Old Pueblo. Sometimes I feel sorry for the A/C unit being pushed so hard trying to make me comfortable.

It has been about a month since Richard left. The month has been filled with many ups and downs. Richard is in his second week of red phase and we didn’t get a call this weekend. We really didn’t expect to. Samantha was okay. Not happy, but okay. We do get frequent letters from him and Sammi writes him everyday. I write about once a week. Samantha keeps her letters secret. She shares the general information stuff but she keeps the private stuff to herself. And that’s okay with me! She has decorated a box and she keeps his letters in it. She also has a journal that she calls her Nart Journal.

He is her Nart in Carmer Ammo. The kids in our AWANA group started calling Richard Samantha’s Knight in Camo Armor (He had been wearing camouflage for years). And that stuck for a few months. Well, they were at AWANA camp two years ago and Sammi was introducing him and messed it up by saying “Nart in Carmer Amo” and for some reason, it stuck. I know that it doesn’t make sense but it is something between the two of them. From what Samantha says, a Nart is like a super-knight and there is only one of them. I found it funny because Samantha’s nickname…the one I call her lovingly (when she isn’t in trouble) is Princess. Richard stole it. So, she calls him her Nart and he calls her his Princess.

Well, today’s letter apparently wasn’t too good. Richard must have been having a bad day because the letter made Sammi cry. He said that he fell off a rope bridge and dropped a full ammo can on his chest. He claims he is fine, just really sore. He wants to be home and he misses Samantha. He apparently really hates the Army and Kentucky. At least he did as of Friday. He was looking forward to calling Sammi, but apparently he wasn’t able to. He didn’t call his parents either so it seems no calls. Richard said that he didn't get any mail and Sammi is wondering where all of her letters are going.

So, we have at least another week or so of red phase. His father and one of his brothers is going to Family Day but they can’t go to graduation because of the cost. We are already planning on Airborne graduation in January so no one will be there for him on Graduation day, December 14th. I know that this is just a down-swing and there will be plenty more between the ups. But, I just wish I could see him and give him a big hug and see him smile. I want to hear his voice and know that he is really okay. He has always had a problem sleeping and I want to know he is getting rest so his body will recover from the abuse the Army puts them through. He is always teasing me about my hair. It is very very thick and I got a really bad hair cut in April that is still trying to grow out. His dad hates it and tells him he is being rude but I always thought it was so funny and I miss it so much right now. Richard could always take something stressful or upsetting and find a way to make me laugh about it. I miss that so much...

Am I just really strange? Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I know I am not his mom. I love his mom. She is an amazing woman!!! So, why do I feel all of this sadness and loneliness? I guess it’s because he has become so much a part of our family and our life over the past year. Even my husband, who is a John Wayne-macho-manly-man kind of man always asks if we have heard from Richard and I can tell he misses him too. So maybe I am not too strange…or maybe my whole family is crazy?

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Hannah

Not crazy this is Army Normal. As far as the sleeping they get so tired they will sleep when they can. Nate went thru a real fit of nightmares for a period of time and that was causing him some stress but they get through it. It is normal to miss those kids that we have adopted over the course of the years. And when they are at basic it is not like we can pick up the phone and call them. My daughter actually thought that might be a good thing since I was a little nuts calling and e-mailing her when she left for college over 5 years ago.

Will have to see how I feel in a week or so the young man that is living with us now Korie leaves for basic today at 2:00 to Fort Knox. This is the 3rd time we have done basic with one of the boys that has lived here. One is mine the other 2 had family issues that have lived with us awhile to get them straightened out. Right now he has been driving me crazy so I am ready for a break but we will see if I miss the chaos in a week or so.

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Cindy R

Mom of SPC Nate - Army National Guard - ROTC SMP Cadet - Due to commission May 2011 Air Assault Graduate 8/21/09
Mom of Amanda (1st Grade Teacher in AZ) working on Masters

Well…here we are…in 4 days, I begin the long drive to Ft. Knox, KY to be at Richard’s graduation from OSUT. He is then off to Ft. Benning for Basic Airborne Training. So much has happened since he has been gone. It is strange how very nervous I am to see him. I wonder how much he has changed and I think about how much he has probably matured, but…I pray that he is the same young man I said goodbye to way back in August. I know he isn’t, but I don’t deal well with change. It takes me awhile to adjust…I mean, I haven’t seen him since 8/5/07 and I have only talked to him once on the phone that whole time. I have received letters though. It is through those letters that I can see the man he is becoming. His tone has changed. Where there was uncertainty, now there is confidence. Where there was little bits and pieces of inside jokes we shared, those have been replaced with such a deep seriousness. So, my heart worries. I am still pretty much the same…just those “highlights” in my hair are a bit brighter!

When Richard first started to come over to our house and when we first started our journey’s on the bus, he was so very polite and serious. It took so long for me to get him to relax. I remember talking to his dad about it one day. I would hear him laughing and joking with my kids, but he stood at attention and was so polite when he talked to me. Well, I wore him down I tell you!!! We used to have these conversations… They would vary from day to day and sometimes minute by minute. We would talk about our faith, the bible and music. We would talk about things that he struggled with and I would share with him and try to encourage him. We prayed together a few times too. We would joke about crazy things and every once in a while. We would talk about how nice it would be to forcefully take over the city transit system…the city bus. There was this one driver that was late…really late… every night!!! And he was so rude too! I miss those days and the conversations.

I have read about so many graduations and the events that take place. I know a little about what to expect. I know that Richard will probably have lost weight. I know that he will probably be more confident. But he was always just so respectful I don’t know if it is possible for him to be any more respectful. I have to say, his parents did a most excellent job raising him! I know that he will want to eat like he is setting new speed records. I know that he will look the same…I just dread having him stand at attention and call me ma’am. I will just have to poke him good if he does that! He calls me Jedimom…for some reason, he won’t call me by my first name. Man…I really miss him.

We are so excited to go! The only thing that would make it better is if my husband and boys could go too. AND…if he was coming home. Unfortunately…not until January. I don’t know how much time we will get with him. After they take him away, Samantha and I are traveling to Denver to see my parents. I will be thankful not matter how long we get. I will be praying that Samantha remains strong…I know it will be hard for her to let him go.

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Hannah

I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted on this journal. So many things have happened since December. Our lives have changed so much that sometimes I think it is all a dream.

Today, we are dealing with so many issues. My husband was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease in March. Yep. He has less than 5% kidney fuction in his right kidney and the left is completely dead. We found out today that he needs to go to Phoenix to get evaluated for a chance to get on the transplant list. Yes...this has taken up most of our time.

The wonderful things of the past many months are also some of the most stressful. My daughter married her Richard, her nart back in September. It was a beautiful ceremony but there were so many things missing. Now, Richard isn't just my friend, he is my son-in-law! My daughter is spending some time with him in NC so now I am missing two very important people in my life. I have to say that it really stinks but they are happy so it is worth it. Richard has had a tough year. He has had many struggles and difficulties. But, he told me that he loves being married Sammi. They have been such good friends for so long and they really communicate well with each other. I don't really worry about them as much as I just simply miss them. They are enjoying the time they have now.

We are getting ready for deployment now. That dreaded day is approaching and there isn't anything we can do to stop it. I look back and I think about all that has happened. I am looking forward into the future now too. My prayer is that my husband will stay stable and get onto a transplant list and a kidney would be nice too... that Richard will be safe, strong in his faith and he will able to come home soon. I am thankful that God's grace is showered upon us every day and that next year at this time, HE will still be in control. After all, it is all about HIM.

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Hannah

I just feel so frustrated and anxious!!! In the last week or so Richard's deployment date has changed like 3 times and it sounds like it may change again. I pray that they don't make it earlier because we just aren't ready. I don't want Richard to go but at the same time, I want my daughter to come home. She is starting school in January. She took the first semester off to be with Richard after they got married. But, I miss her so much.

What makes me so angry is that the Army seems to be oblivious to the stress that they place on the military families. OK...I know that isn't realistic and they have a very important job to do. This is the US Army. But, this is already so hard. The added stress it getting to me.

I keep searching for the answer to how to get through this and the only answer I get is relying on God's grace and mercy. How thankful I am for that!!! I pray that this coming week is better. I pray that the deployment date doesn't change too dramatically. I wonder how much money the airlines make off of people having to reschedule thier flights...?

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Hannah

I am getting ready to pack my clothes for a trip that isn't going to happen for a few weeks. I cry almost everyday when I walk past her bedroom door. Today, just talking to her and Richard on the phone was wonderful until we had to say goodbye then I felt like I was giving up a piece of my heart. I feel like I am slowly going insane. And I just realized that next week, she won't be home for Thanksgiving. This will be the first holiday I have not spent with her. Even though we have to go to my motherinlaws house to eat and the meal will be horrible. My husband won't be able to eat like a majority of the food because he is on a renal diet and my oldest son has to work...at least he will be here in Tucson. Sammi is 2300 miles away. The only thing that helps is to know that she is with Richard and I know how happy they both are.

Last year Richard was in OSUT. I know how very much Sammi missed him then. She was so miserable! I am happy for her that she is going to get to spend the time with him for this Thanksgiving because he is deploying soon. Although I will get my daughter back, a piece of her heart will be on the other side of the world. When I think about that, I realize how very selfish I am for wanting her home. Sammi is my daughter and now married to the military. Richard is my son-in-law, but he is also one of my best friends and I love him like he was my own son. If it meant not seeing Sammi for any of the holidays , and Richard would be with her, not in Iraq. I would accept it gladly. Because, I want her to be happy and I want her heart to be whole. That is what is it about right? Raising up your children and loving them and then, letting them go to be who you rasied them to be and who God intended for them to be...

Richard and Sammi are married now and I am having to get used to that. I didn't realize how much would change when they got married and she traveled to the other side of the country. When Richard deploys, we will all miss him so much. But not as much as Sammi will. So I guess I need to 'soldier-up' and let it go. So why is that so hard to do?!

So, this Thanksgiving, I am going to remember, honestly remember, the things I am thankful for... My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; My husband and that I still have him; My children...Mike, Logan Sammi and Richard; my friends both near and far; all of the families of soldiers who are away from home this year...their sacrifice for our country is amazing to me; the soldiers who serve with Richard and those that don't; I am thankful for Richard's parents who even though they hate us and do not accept our daughter...they are his parents and he loves them and whether they like it or not, we love them to; and I am thankful that my daughter is with Richard, the man who completes her life and fills her heart with joy and love, even though she isn't with me...

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Hannah

Well, Sammi and I traveled back to Tucson from Ft. Bragg in record time. My father moved out to North Carolina this past summer drove back with us. The trip took 32 1/2 hours straight. Only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks. That is one drive that I don't look forward to making again. But, I will. Next year when Richard comes home from Iraq, we are all going to be out there to see him off the plane and move Sammi out there for the final year of Richard's Army committment. Then, we will be going out to help them move back. Richard wants to finish college and he is thinking that his life will take a very different path than what he thought it would. I pray for him. The Army life has been very different than he expected it would be and some of the changes we have seen in him aren't all that positive. However, we have faith that he is going to do well.

Sammi's is really missing her Nart. I love that she is home, but I have to say, she is a much more mature young woman than the girl I drove out there 2 months ago. She is stronger and more independant. And she loves Richard more now than she did. She crys like her heart is breaking because she misses him so much. She missed a call from him very early this morning and I hated seeing her cry like that. This next year is going to be rather difficult...

Richard left Friday night. As I have learned, the Army moves according to there own plans and they don't share. One minute Richard was standing there kissing Sammi and hugging me and the next, he was on the bus. I was so happy to have spent time with him over this past week. Our friendship is something that I treasure. I am so please that he is growing a strong friendship with Andy as well. It is strange to see how well Richard fits into our family.

I don't know what is going to happen over this next year. I only know that I have to keep Sammi moving forward and enjoy every minute with her because then she will be gone again. I know that I will write Richard alot and send him care packages and I will pray for him constantly. I will pray for his safetly and his heart. I will pray that he is always looking to Jesus for the light he needs everyday. I will be praying for his family. I will be praying for all of the soldiers serving with Richard. I think I will just be praying period.

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Hannah

Well, Rick has been gone almost 4 months now. It seems like it has been forever. We are looking forward to him coming home for R&R. We have been trying to keep busy as much as we possibly can. Sammi has started school. She is going to Pima and working toward an AA in Computer Technology. She wants to work with computers and is looking at becoming an IT professional. She is doing real well, but she is missing her husband so much...She has her good days and bad days. She keeps in touch with Rick's grandparents and his aunt. She is sick right now with the flu so that makes the days longer.

We have been busy sending care packages to him in Baghdad. He tells us that it takes a long time to get his mail. Sammi got a letter from him and it took over a month to get to her. But we keep sending them. My family in North Carolina have sent him boxes. He says that his favorite thing to get is chili and socks. We send him other things, but those seem to be what he talks about.

It seems like we go through the motions of living. Knowing that he is over there. We worry when we hear about bombings or IED's. We pray and worry about Rick and Scott in Baghdad. We have a friend who is up in Mosul and we pray for him too. The thing that is so strange to me is that the news doesn't seem to talk about Iraq much anymore. But it is a much larger part of our life now than it was a year ago. I know that it is probably not a good thing, but I search the news everyday just wanting information about what is going on over there, but then...I get scared because of the stories of death and more violence. Then I think of all of the families that have been going through this for 6 long years. I just can't imagine having to do this again. We have all learned to hate the phrase, "no news is good news". Well, we know that but...oh this is so stressful.

Well, 8 more months to go...

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Hannah

Wow!!! I never thought about how long a year actually is. The past 6 months have been hard. Rick is halfway through his deployment and we are counting down the days until he is home. Unfortunately, home will be 2300 miles away for another year or so. Sammi will be leaving in 6 months too when Rick is back at Ft. Bragg.
That is gonna really be un-fun...

Over the last few months I have learned that it is really hard to have someone you love in a place where each day could change your life and effect how your day goes. I promised myself I wouldn't read the news stories but I do everyday. I read them all and I keep looking for more. Even while he was home for R&R I searched the stories. I check my email all throughout the day hoping to get just a simple HI from him and know that he is safe. And I have put up with the most emotional daughter in the world!!! The roller coaster ride with her has been one that I am so looking forward to being off of. But...I just had my boy home for 2 weeks. Not everyday was good. But I heard him laughing and enjoyed the time I was able to spend with him. Slowly he began to adjust to being home and being safe. I was able to watch him with Sammi and see how much they love each other and need each other. Most people probably don't see realize how the most simple things in life like conversation and laughter over the dinner table can so fill a heart that it can continue beating for a while longer in the absence of the person who owns a little part of it.

Rick is such an important part of our family. I can't believe that all those years ago, the geeky guy my daughter had such a huge crush on would become like a son to us. He brings so much joy to our life. Even our dog is depressed that Rick is gone. He didn't eat for 2 days when Rick left.

I sure hope the next 6 months go by very fast. Even though at the end, my daughter will be gone for a year. Then two pieces of my heart will be having a hard time beating right. But, they will be just a short 7 hour plane ride away!

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Hannah