Yippee

I got a letter FINALLY!!! I am on cloud 9. He still wants to be home, but is dealing with basic. YAY! I had a good part of his address but not all of it. So I reprinted the letter I had sent originally, and have sent his siblings stuff too.. WOOHOOO I heard from him.

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Nothing Yet

No letter yet. I called the Red Cross to deliver the msg to Nick about his Aunt Helen. I did so on the advice of Sgt Chausse. He thought they would make him call home, but niether his dad nor I have heard from him. I am thinking if everything went as it was supposed to, that his unit will be off total control this week, and that hopefully I will get a call sunday. I sure hope so. I miss my son. I love my son.

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patience

something I dont have a lot of. Something I need more of. Still no letter from Nick. As a mother I can only imagine the worse, and think that he is mad at me. It's too quiet without him here. It's too obvious he isn't here.

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Heavy

I guess I will start with no letter today either. :( There is a huge hole inside right now. Its filled with love, worry, sadness, longing. I'm trying to be patient, but patience isn't my strong suit.

I received a call this morning from my ex-mother in law, telling me that her sister was not expected to make it through the day. Aunt Helen, is a lovely woman, who Nick is extremly close to. She loves him like her own. This is so unexpected. Shes not been sick until about a week ago. A few moments ago I received another call, this time from my ex. Aunt Helen has passed, no details as of yet. But now I am in the position. Do I write him about his aunts death? Do I wait until he calls? What do I do?

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7/23/05

Another day without a letter from Nick. I'm so scared that he is mad at me for the hardship he is going through right now. I pushed, I pushed hard for the service. I'm dirt poor, and couldn't send him to college. I saw this as his way out of this dead end town. I know ulitmately that it was his choice. But no letters since reception. No letter since that phone call. The phone call when he told me several times he just wanted to come home. I sometimes wish that I had told him to come home. Not that it is a choice he has.. but maybe............. I just miss my son. I'm worried about my son. I'm not asking for much, just a note home saying I love you mom.... will write more later, cant see through the tears right now.

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Never underestimate a Mom

After receiving some unexpected banking mail this morning, another call to the recruiters office occurred. I wanted to know if they possibly knew why, when my son had already set up a direct deposit account, was I getting a overlimit from a credit union in SC.

I wasn't able to speak with Sgt Chausse, but did speak to Sgt Carter. Sgt Carter complimented Nick and what a good kid he is, never wanting anything, just to stop in and say hey, how they both wanted to see him succeed. Expressed concern over the fact that I hadn't received a letter from the Army as of yet. Explained what may have happened with the new banking account. That somehow the paperwork was lost, whether by Nick, or the Army. He also told me how to find out Nicks unit, and address.
So after looking on Fort Jackson's site, and then finally having to go to Yahoo yellow pages. I was able to get Nicks Address. I sent a brief letter, and the overlimit notice to the address I had. If I receive a reply I will send the larger package of letters.
The determination of a mom.

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Just rambling

thoughts here and there. Oh hell who am I kidding I think about nothing else but Nick, and a letter with a address. I sway back and forth between sadness and anger.. right now I'm sad, earlier while I was angry I came up with a plan of action. If no letter from either Nick or the Army comes by Friday, I am calling Sgt Chausee to see if he can help me get the info I am looking for. If that doesn't work, then I am calling Fort Jackson. I do plan to be polite though. Then if they have sent something I will file a formal complaint against my local post office. This wouldn't be the first complaint I have filed on them. They have been known to hold my mail for no reason on several occasions.

Send me recieve Nick related mail tomorrow.. The not knowing is killing me.

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Mail Call for 7/20

Nothing.

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Mail Call....

or not, I was desperately hoping for a letter from Nick soon. I was actually hoping I would get something, anything from Ft. Jackson today. I just want to send my son his letter, and start writing another.
When I pulled the mail from the box, and saw nothing from either Nick or his commander, my heart sank. Ok it didn't just sink. It plumented. I hate the idea of having to wait a whole 23 hours to see if something comes. I just want to hear from my son. I just want to know he is ok. I just want a address. I just want a graduation date so I can make reservations. I just want some news from or about my son.

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Recruiter

I want to take a moment out to thank our recruiter. He does not only work for the Army. He works for these kids. He really cares.
Staff Sergeant D. Chausse here in our area is awesome. He called tonight to see if I heard from Nick, and wants his address, so that he can write him. How cool is that?

I did some thinking over the past few days, and let logic kick in. The military tears the recruits down and then build them back up again. Its how you make a soldier. Nick has never been away from home. He's never had to follow orders consistently. I admit sometimes I may have been too hard on him, but other times I was too lenient. The total control will be over in two weeks, and through the sweat, tears, and pain, Nick will like some of what he is experiencing.

I talked to Sgt Chausse about this, and he confirmed my thoughts. He thinks Nick will overcome his homesickness, and begin to enjoy some of basic soon. As I told Nick after basic, things will not be like this. Sgt Chausse agree.

I think with the letter brigade that is starting Nick will have phenomenal support, and inspiration. I am writing of course, his grandparents are going to write, Chausse is going to write, M's husband A is possibly going to write, Starpixie wants his address.

The sleepless night have begun for me since that call. But (I used that word alot) I also have great support. I know that my son will make it through bct, and that he will be better for it. Now to convince him of that!

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72 hour call...

Those that have been through basic will understand. 72hrs after you are assigned to your platoon for basic, you have to call someone, anyone, and tell them that you are there, and ok. This call is short, very short.
I've cried all night since I received that call. He just wants to come home. His words not mine. I could hear the strain in his voice and as a mother it killed me not to be able to make everything all better. It hurt that I couldn' tell him that I would be right there. I had to be brave for him, Say things like Basic is the worse, it only gets better after that, That he only had 8 more weeks, that he could do this. and that I loved him. I stayed on the phone till I heard the click. and then bawled, and bawled some more.

If I tell him he can quit, then I have failed him as a parent. I have to encourage him to push himself, to be the best he can be, and it sucks. I hate this part of being a mom. I've found a blog that in a soldiers experience in basic. that helped somewhat for me to deal with it. I am thinking of printing it and sending parts of it to Nick at basic. Have to talk to my husband and see if he thinks it will help.

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Promoting My Military Forum

Please if you are a military parent, or family member. Please check it out.

Parents of Soldiers Forum

Tell your friends about it too. I tried to find a forum for a parent like me, and was unable to find one that suited me.. so I created my own.

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A letter

finally a letter.. It will be treasured :) No return address though.. So the letter I am writing is getting longer.. Four pages and counting.. He had been issued his BDU's and dog tags, and was supposed to start training wensday. I am hoping for a call again sunday but doubt that I will get one. But I sure hope so.. Recruiter said (ha he also said nick could call nightly while in recieveing.) I should receive a call in 72 hours after hes assigned. So if that's the case... I may get a call this weekend. I figured out though that if I have to go somewhere I can just set up the call forwarding to go to nicks cell phone (he left it with me) and then I wont miss his call.

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He called

Nick was finally able to call home sunday morning.. 9 am.. I didn't even answer the phone, I was hoping Bruce would.. he did.. And hollered for me. I hurdled that gate.. I mean hurdled. I could of been a track runner the way I hurdled that gate and sprinted to the back room.

It was good to hear his voice....even if it was peppered with the drill sgt in the background counting down the time. Basically hes ok, foods ok, and they had to drop saturday night because the barracks wouldn't shut up...

My boy is ok, and his hell hadn't started yet. I hope it isn't hell for him at all. I miss him. I love him. I am proud of him. and counting down the days till I can see him again.

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Tick, tick, tick

and the days drag on. No call from Nick last night. Tick tick tick, now I will wait for 8pm and pray the phone rings tonight. The silence is deafening around here. I jump everytime the phone rings, run to it to see if its Nick.. How long will I be like this? How long will it take to get used to him not being here? How will I be able to go to graduation just to say goodbye again? CAn anyone who reads this tell me if Nick will have a chance at coming home for Christmas?

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News and thoughts.

Nick left tuesday (7/6) for Stl and Ft Lenardwood (supposedly) He called me from the hotel in st louis and then called me yesterday from the airport. Seems that Ft Lenardwood was packed and so they sent Nick and some other new recruits to Ft Jackson South Carolina. Nick was going to fly from St Louis to Washington DC then to SC. He was going to try and call again from Washington between flights but I guess he didn't have a chance.

I called his recruiter yesterday to make sure that he was still going to be trained in what he signed up for and what was for sure happening with this change in plans. I was assured that Nick would train in AZ. I was also told that while he is in reception he would be able to call every night. So I am praying that he will call tonight. It helps to hear his voice.

I miss my son so much. Going into his bedroom is a mistake I will most definately start crying. Hell I am crying typing this out. I just want a call saying mom I am coming home.. well I want that for me.. I want for him to excell and blossom in his new life.

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raw

I am so proud of my son, More than I am able to express.. I miss him fiercly, and hes only been gone a bit over 24hrs. I hate not knowing where he is, what he is doing, and when he will be home.

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Journey Begins.

Nick left as planned, and I bawled, I tried hard not to cry but didn't manage it. After he left I just walked into my bedroom and bawled. Ten minutes later, as I was sitting here still wiping my eyes, My son comes charging back through the door. He had to get his checks and leave his keys with me. So I had to go through it all over again.. I hugged that boy so hard, and made sure I told him I loved him.
Later on in the evening I wound up in his room to check that everything was off, and started crying again. (I am beginning to sound like Trixie) Took me awhile to get the sniffles under control again.
Dh decided we should watch a movie to take my mind off of things, and the phone rang.. Nick called from the hotel.. he said he wanted to call while he could, and make sure I was ok. He leaves St Louis for Ft Leonardwood tomorrow morning. He's got a 4:30am wake up. Nick doesn't do mornings, I guess he better get used to it.
I sure hope that the next few weeks pass quickly so that he can call again.

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Less than 24hrs left

until you leave.in fact I have exactly 19hrs left with you as I write this. There is a hole in the pit of my stomach the size of New York City. I've caught myself on the verge of tears more than once today. I still can't believe you are 18 and leaving home. Where did the time fly? I was reading on some msg board about how this womans son hasn't recieved his paycheck in awhile and now he is newly on a base with no money. I pray that, that doesn't happen to you. Add it to my list of worries..and son I do worry..I dont know I will always worry about you. How could I not.. You are my child. I love you.

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Times marches on

even though I just want it to stop. I would even be happy with slow motion. As I folded laundry last night, I thought each time I folded one of your articles of clothing, "this is the last time for awhile I will do this" Today we had a cook out for your graduation and as a going away thing. I'm so proud of you. I had to grab you and hug you. As I hugged you, the tears crowded my eyes and I finally had to walk away to wipe my eyes. I don't want you to see me cry.. not yet.. I know you are scared, and excited at the same time. I dont want to add to the fears, but to the excitment at going out into the world and starting your lifes adventure. I will cry Tuesday. I know this 100% now after the tears of today.

But I am so proud of you. I know I say it alot here and I hope I tell you enough in person. I love you more than any amount of words can express, and as hard as it is for you to leave, its harder for me to let you go.

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